Manual Singkat Calon Bapak (Trimester Pertama)

Istri Anda hamil, selamat. Ini adalah kali pertama kalian hamil. Kehidupan keluarga kalian sedang berkembang dan sebentar lagi kalian akan bertambah banyak. Satu lagi anggota keluarga akan datang, semua orang menantikan dengan harap harap cemas.

Artikel ini dipersiapkan untuk calon bapak. Manual ini ditulis atas pengalaman dari eks calon bapak. Tanpa membahas hal detil, artikel ini lebih bertujuan memberikan panduan umum bagi para suami dalam mempersiapkan diri mereka mendampingi proses kehamilan sang istri. Kalau saat membaca ini Anda bingung, kemungkinan besar artikel ini memang untuk Anda.

Selain senang, kita kaum Bapak tidak mengalami perubahan apa-apa, sehinnga reaksi yang lumrah adalah bingung. Di mana-mana Bapak-bapak terlihat bingung. Di tempat senam hamil, di klinik menanti janji dengan dokter, di supermarket saat mencari teh yang dapat menghilangkan mual sang Istri, apalagi di ruang persalinan. Kita kebanyakan energi dan kita tidak tahu harus melakukan apa-apa.
Jangan kuatir, setengah tanggung jawab Anda sudah selesai dengan bersikap betul-betul bingung. Itu artinya Anda ingin melakukan sesuatu, tidak tinggal diam saja.
Sadarlah kalau kehamilan itu adalah peristiwa yang dihadapi oleh keluarga, jadi Anda juga hamil. Jangan anggap itu sebagai kebanggaan, Istri Anda yang hamil dan menghadapi semua perubahan fisik dan kimiawi, ucapkan "Kami hamil," dengan nada bahwa Anda sadar bahwa Anda juga punya peran yang besar di dalam masa kehamilan ini.
Berikut adalah beberapa hal yang harus Anda perhatikan dalam masa kehamilan.

• Santai. Tidak usah berlebihan menghadapi kehamilan ini, anggap ini sebagai proses pembelajaran kalian berdua. Ingat, banyak orang yang tidak sepintar kalian sudah berhasil melahirkan dan membesarkan anak, jadi batas toleransi penanganan kehamilan itu sangatlah besar. Tuhan itu Maha Besar, Dia tahu kalian belum berpengalaman sebelumnya. Banyak hal terjadi dengan sendirinya tanpa kalian sadari. Nikmati masa ini.
• Jangan terlalu cepat panik. Menimang kalian sampai ke blog ini, berarti kalian tech savvy dan internet savvy. Kemungkinan besar kalian di laptop atau mencari melalui smartphone, mengetik kata hamil, bayi dan membaca entah apa yang ada di Internet. Ada banyak bahan di Internet, jadi membaca sebanyak itu pikiran kalian akan mengingat hal yang berlebihan saja. Jangan terburu takut oleh cerita-cerita penderitaan di masa kehamilan yang ekstrim. Kalau memang ada kecurigaan akan penyakit tertentu, konsultasikan ke dokter terlebih dahulu. Mereka adalah kaum profesional yang memang belajar dan bekerja untuk hal ini, bukan kami para blogger amatiran yang mengetik di kala luang. 
• Kalau ingin bertanya pada orang lain selain dokter mengenai pengalaman kehamilan, bertanyalah pada orang yang pernah hamil, jangan hanya membaca blog saja. Membaca blog itu bagus, karena membuka wawasan secara cepat, tapi kalian perlu mencocokkan pengalaman tersebut dengan yang kalian hadapi. Orang/keluarga yang pernah hamil 
• Perhatikan Istri. Dialah tonggak utama dalam proses kehamilan ini. Bayinya di perut dia, bukan perut Anda. Pijat kaki dan pijat pinggang adalah kemewahan baginya, selalu siap untuk melakukannya. Kalau tidak ada permintaan, tawarkan. Kemungkinan besar dia sering mual, cari tahu aroma tertentu yang mendorong mualnya. Buang. Cobalah teh-teh anti mual, atau cari tahu apa yang berhasil bagi teman-teman dan keluarga. Coba semuanya. Diantar semua teh anti mual dan lilin aromaterapi, ternyata istri Saya suka balsem Vick's. Ya sudah, siapkan. Di kamar, di mobil, di kantor, kalau perlu tebarkan Vick's di setiap radius 5 m dari rumah ke kantor ke rumah mertua ke supermarket terdekat. Bodo amat. Prioritas utama adalah buat istri Anda senyaman mungkin. Perlihatkan perhatian Anda. 
• Jangan sebel kalau istri ngidam. Itu peluang bagi Anda untuk menjadi berguna. Proses ini adalah proses yang menyenangkan, percaya atau tidak Anda akan menceritakannya sampai anak kalian punya anak. Jadi buatlah seluruh proses ini menyenangkan. Tidak apa-apa sedikit berlebihan, manjakan dirinya.

Sudah, itu saja yang paling penting. Sekarang silahkan lanjutkan menjelajah ke situs lain, galilah informasi sebanyak-banyaknya. Teknik penanganan kehamilan dalam medis berubah terus-menerus, jadi membaca teknik mutakhir memberikan kalian banyak persiapan.

Mata-mata Kecil

Pagi ini, setelah mengantar Little Indira, Aku tertarik dengan berita di radio mengenai perempuan beramubut keriting (kesannya seperti film horor) yang menerobos jalur busway setelah memarahi petugas busway. Ada banyak berita di internet mengenai perempuan ini. Aku melihat beberapa berita dari Detik, ceritanya kira-kira seperti ini:

Perempuan ini membuka portal busway setelah memarahi petugas busway yang berusaha melarangnya (jalur busway hanya untuk bus Transjakarta). Saat konflik, perempuan itu difoto dan berkembanglah ceritanya di Twitter. Belakangan setelah dicari Polisi, ditilang, ditarik SIM suaminya, perempuan ini memberikan alasan suaminya sedang serangan jantung dan mereka dalam perjalanan ke rumah sakit.

Terlepas dari kebenaran cerita ini, Aku diingatkan kembali akan kuatnya Twitter di Indonesia. Semua orang bisa mengatakan apa saja. Ditambah dengan kemampuan kamera, posting di Twitter sangat kuat.

Enter Scoliosis

The family is facing this now. Scoliosis. I thought I’ve heard this before, but I didn’t pay any attention on account of all the cancer surrounding the family lately.

Scoliosis is a sideway curve. Apparently it hits teenagers. I found this site, the writer has scoliosis. It’s a good site, she describe her treatment, she also did some research on trivial matters such as celebrities with scoliosis (Alyssa Soebandono). I was shocked when my wife explained it to me, but further reading, there are some treatments. Also, her condition does not need further treatment just yet. We just need to monitor it further down the road.

Dentist Trip

It was excruciating. He had 3 cavities. Actually 4, but 1 needed to be treated first. I had to sit in the chair with him.
Overall I think the little guy was brave. We're coming back next Monday.

Apakah Bayi Saya Terlalu Kecil?

Untuk orang tua yang paranoid :p

Ini bukan patokan harga mati ya, kan mereka berdasarkan sampel bukan saat ini dan bukan di sini, tapi paling nggak adalah.

What's Wrong With Being Obsessed?

What's wrong with being obsessed? What's wrong about taking some things personal that you would dedicate most of your waking hours for it? What's wrong with making something your baby, something that you'd print your name on, something that you think would better others and is worthy enough to leave behind?
Find what you love and go after it. Relentlessly.

Pembicaraan di telpon

Ponakanku nelpon:

Aku : Halo
Isya : Ini siapa?

Lho?

Ayo Bobo, Yah

Percakapan di malam hari.

Ravi: Ayah
Aku: Iya
Ravi: Ayo Bobo. Mama dah bobo.
Aku: Iya, bentar.  Ayah masih ada kerjaan.
Ravi: Bu Mimi aja udah bobo.
Aku: (dalam hati) Bu Mimi? Itu kan gurumu tahun lalu?
Ravi: Semua orang sudah bobo.
Aku: (dalam hati) He?  Semua orang?  Kayanya kebalik deh yang ngomong,  Nak.
Ravi: Ayah,  ayo.

*Menggeret diri dengan malas.  Heran,  masih kecil diomelin orangtua, udah tua diomelin anak. Kapan giliran gua ya?

Ini lagu lullaby untuk Ravi, baru ngeh kalau ternyata waktu itu udah bener dia nebak lagu Twinkle Twinkle.

Small Talk

We were relaxing. He was tired after playing a round of educational apps on his iPad,  I was taking an off day.
I was imagining my day tomorrow,  he was flexing.  Maybe he was,  I didn't notice, but I heard him say,
"Is that a new aircon? "
I was caught off guard. " What? "
" Is it new?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Then he went on and played some more apps.
I was still stunned. Did my boy just made a small talk with me?

Nightmare

A father's instinct is to protect you from any harm,  scratch that, anything in this world. That's because you to him is good,  while the rest of the world is bad. That's his first instinct.
So there's no surprise when he acts accordingly. There's no school good enough for you,  no food good enough, and so on and so on.
So you might say, that's why nothing you do is ever good enough to him. No jobs is enough, no money is enough, he's always going to be worried about you. It sucks, doesn't it?It's no picnic for him either.
You know when he feels most helpless? When you have a nightmare. He's stuck there, holding you while you're crying, don't know why you're crying and how to make it go away.
It sucks. That feeling sucks. I don't even wish such feeling to my worst enemies.

Flash

Just thought I'd take a sneak photograph of the little guy at 4.30am when his old man woke up and couldn't go back to bed.

Exiled from your last defense post

Your own blood made you travel far just to to tell you that you're not a part of her life. I don't know how to handle that situation.
When you lose your family, you turn on your job, or what's left of it. When there's nothing left there, it really is a small world. You'd grasp any friendly gesture left. Whatever goes.
Two lost souls meet together, nature still have some compassion left. Boy leads girls confidently, not knowing what's in front. Don't worry, he says, everything will be fine. Girl believes anything as long as they're together. That's what love should be.

Sudah 3 tahun ya, Nak?

Fotonya waktu masih kecil

Sudah lama rasanya tidak menulis tentang Little Indira, rasanya aku terlalu banyak memborbardir akun Facebookku dengan foto-fotonya, aku sudah tidak ingat kapan aku memasang fotoku sendiri sebagai profil. Pasti foto dia.

1 month old

Kupikir-pikir, kasihan juga Mamanya, jangan-jangan merasa dicuekin karena aku sibuk.
Mungkin kalau ditanya aku akan banyak mengeluh karena dia nakal, lambat bicara, belum juga hafal alfabet, masih minta digendong. Tapi sebenarnya aku bangga padanya, bangga sekali. Bangga karena apa yang dapat dilakukannya, bangga pada inisiatifnya, bangga hanya karena ia masih berdiri dan berlari-lari sesukanya. Rasanya apapun yang dilakukannya, kentut sekalipun, reaksi pertamaku adalah bangga. Sudah lepas masanya aku selalu takut, takut dia kekurangan darah, kekurangan makan, kurang beratnya, tidak cukup tinggi, belum pandai berdiri. Sekarang aku sudah sering membiarkannya pergi semaunya, berinteraksi dengan sebanyak mungkin orang, tabrakan dengan orang asing di mal. Sudah masanya untuknya menapak kaki dan mulai menorehkan namanya di dunia ini.
Sekarang adalah waktunya aku mulai khawatir. Khawatir, bukan takut. Mungkin beda istilah, tapi sebenarnya tidak jauh berbeda. Kalau takut itu waktu dia masih kecil, kebanyakannya berhubungan dengan fungsi fisiknya sebagai manusia, yang kalau tidak dipenuhinya, aku merasa takut ia akan cacat. Sekarang khawatir, usianya sedikit lebih besar, tapi tetap saja sebenarnya belum bisa ditinggal sendiri. Belum bisa tidur sendiri, belum bisa mandi sendiri, belum bisa buang air sendiri.

1,5 yo

2,5 yo

Mungkin dia bisa memberi pengumuman kalau ia ingin buang air, tapi proses pembuangan itu tetap membutuhkan asistensi, dan benda kecil lucu yang mengganjal pantatnya di toilet.

Potty seat, Thou are so useful.
Bisa nyungsep pantat anakku kalau tidak ada dikau.

Rasanya, sebagai orang tua, khawatir itu adalah resiko pekerjaan sekaligus hak yang bisa kunikmati karena menjadi orang tua. Kadang khawatir itu adalah beban, tapi kadang itu terasa sebagai reward.

How to kill time

Occasionally you will find yourself waiting for something or someone. I find that that shouldn't stop e rest of your activities. Some of my best works are done in between meetings or when I'm enjoying quiet evenings. I can also superseed my duedates and work in a less stressing environment (I'm don't like working at the last minutes).

1. Reevaluate your daily plan. You can check if any was left out.
2. Observe your sorrounding. One form of learning is vicarious learning. That's when you get to learn from other people's experience.
3. Breathing. You may not notice it, but diffent forms of breathing affect you phisically and emotionally.

Train and Sand Kit Sets

I was getting something when I saw Ravi lining these up. One piece of the train set lost it's magnetic piece so he can't put them together. I tried consoling him by giving an alternative, why not make it a set of two trains? He didn't buy it. Then I saw this. He took out a sand playing kit, a set of 4, and took each piece of the train of the train set to each sand's.
Problem was, the weren't enough space for the set.
So he cried. Hey, he's just a kid.
Dad came to the rescue. Why not this formation, Son? I noticed one of the train piece was missing. I couldn't find Ravi, too.
I couldn't find him. He was busy getting something for the missing train piece. The fourth piece of the train set was getting its load :)

There you are

So, there. Everything is set. I went back to my business.
Then, I saw the pieces moved to his playing table.

Unsatisfied, he moved the sets

Turned out he still want them aligned. It's not straight, but I think that's his consolation.

Sort of straight

Well, whatever, kid. It's your toys. 

Culture shock

It has been a while since I've contemplated this. Now everything is staring me in the face. Could this be it? I'm not even going to bother thinking about it. It is, as they say, in the journey.
Let's start the *ss kicking. ;)

Numbers

What is it about numbers that is so attention grabbing? I was starting a car when it reads 17:17, I just stopped and had to write something.

Are you celebrating Idul Fitri now?

When is Lebaran anyway?
Whenever you want to celebrate it, have a Happy Idul Fitri. Hope your Ramadhan was insightful.

Present yourself

You're bound to be in a spot to present ideas to others someday.
I read this book on Steve Jobs' presentation skills. It highlights 9 elements of great presentation:

1. Headline
2. Passion Statement
3. Three Key Messages
4. Metaphors And Analogies
5. Demonstrations
6. Partners
7. Customer Evidence And Third-Party Endorsements
8. Video Clips
9. Flip Charts, Props, And Show-And-Tell

Sure, you can't use it universally and literally, tweak it to your needs. Some of the points concerning stories, analogies and passion remind me of Seth Godin. I guess it's all about making your audience as passionate as you are. 

Just throw it (hiccup) away!

Little Indira had a hiccup just now. Not unusual. It's just that now that he's more assertive and articulative, he had a new reaction to it.
Everytime he had the hiccup, he would gesture throwing something out of his mouth and yell "Buang aja," or "Just throw it away". He was angry, and his shortened tolerance just gave way to more hiccup and more yelling. G and I were too busy laughing, but I remembered something and quickly caught him on tape (well, not tape per se, nobody uses tape these days; I recorded it) and sent the video to some witness to ensure a mighty humiliation in the future :D (poor kid).
After it went away, I quickly looked it up. Do you know there are 250 cures for hiccup? I will never look at hiccup the same way again.